Whenever I am asked about the source of my testimony, I am inclined to answer that I have always believed. But that is only part of the story. As a child, I had child-like faith. I trusted my parents and believed them when they told me that I had a Father in Heaven that loved me very much. This trust was confirmed very early on. In kindergarten, I moved to a new home. I got lost on my way home from school and was very scared because I knew no one. I did not know my address or my phone number, and felt that I would never be able to find my way home. Remembering what my parents had taught me, I knelt on the sidewalk and prayed for help. I heard a distinct voice in my mind instructing me to knock on the door of a particular home. I knocked and was greeted by a kind old lady who contacted the police and helped me to find my way home. On another occasion, my family’s (very dilapidated) car broke down in the middle of a snowstorm. My mom seemed quite worried as she had four young children in the car. I reminded her that if we prayed, Heavenly Father would take care of us. We prayed, and I felt a flood of love and warmth. My mom turned the car key and the car started immediately. I realize that these are relatively simple experiences that any skeptic might take pleasure in contesting, but to my child’s mind, they confirmed to me that my Heavenly Father knew me and cared about me. I could continue with many similar experiences, but for the sake of space I will not. Suffice it to say, my faith was confirmed again and again, and gradually the seed that my parents planted in me began to grow up into something living and strong within me.

I read the Book of Mormon on my own for the first time when I was thirteen. As I read that marvelous book, the spirit confirmed to me again and again that what I was reading was true. I remember especially when I got to the part in 3 Nephi when the resurrected Savior visits the Americas. My heart was filled to overflowing and I longed to be among that group that could see the Savior face to face and embrace Him. I fell to my knees, thanking my Savior for the priceless gift of the atonement and pleading with him that he would never let me go, no matter what mistakes I might make in my life. It is very difficult to put into words the love, joy, and spirit that I felt that night by my bed, but the memory of it it has never once left me.

Though I did make my fair share of mistakes, my Savior kept his promise to me, loving and nurturing me back to repentance, no matter how many times I fell down. As a teenager, I felt his love and his hand in my life on a daily basis.

The faith that was nurtured throughout childhood and young adulthood was to be enriched further by my intellectual pursuits as I entered college. My father had been a philosophy major at BYU and he always encouraged me to really think about what I believed and to come up with answers for myself to some of the hard questions in life. I attended Utah State University and in my first philosophy course I had what to me was a spiritual witness that I had found my calling in life. I fell in love with philosophy. I wanted to read everything I could. I could not seem to learn fast enough during that period of my life. I applied to graduate school and got accepted to many excellent programs. My heart was set on accepting an offer from Harvard, but when I prayed, the answer came that I should attend the University of Arizona. Though it has a very good philosophy program, I felt that I could not bear to pass up the opportunity that had been given to me. Still, by that time in my life, I had become very familiar with my Heavenly Father’s guiding influence in my life. I knew that I had never gone wrong obeying a prompting, and I trusted God completely to direct my life. I contacted Arizona and let them know that I was accepting their offer.

At Arizona I was blessed with abundant funding, but more importantly, I was blessed to meet many remarkable people. It is impossible to be involved with a group of vigilant academic philosophers and not have your beliefs challenged on an almost daily basis. Most of my friends were atheists and delighted to throw every difficult question they could come up with at me. I was asked about the problem of evil, I was asked about what our purpose in life was, and how I could believe in a God that I had no physical evidence for. I was repeatedly reminded that religion was just an opiate for the masses and not something that a reasonable, thinking individual could possibly accept. I was asked why I believed in revelation and how I knew that I wasn’t just making up my spiritual witnesses in my own mind; it was pointed out to me that there was brain science that indicated that religious experiences were nothing more than certain chemical reactions in the brain. I was further confronted with the fact that people from every religion have the same conviction of the truth of their religion, so what made me so sure that mine was right? I was challenged about my belief in miracles. I was asked how I could belong to a church that does not give priesthood to women. These and countless other challenges were lodged at my beliefs and I was surprised to find that I was inspired with ready answers to all of these questions. I was guided by the Spirit to respond to these challenges with an eloquence that was certainly not my own. Many of my friends were also surprised by my answers; some commented that though they had spoken with many people of great faith, few had responses to these challenges that were as satisfying to the intellect. I felt gratitude for the fullness of truth that the restored gospel provided for me. Because I had shown that it was possible to be rationally consistent as both a philosopher and a believer, many of my friends agreed to read the Book of Mormon and find out for themselves. One of these friends would join the church and later become my wonderful husband.

My testimony is anchored in countless spiritual witnesses, daily confirmations of my faith that I could never deny. I have found pleasure in intellectual pursuits and found that my faith is confirmed and supported by my reason. Additionally, from a pragmatic standpoint, I have a sweet peace and joy in my life that comes from living the truths found in the gospel. My life is filled with service and love, purpose and meaning. I have great joy in teaching my children the truth that their Heavenly Father loves them and is intimately involved in their lives. As the scripture says, “My cup runneth over.”

I want to add my small voice to the many others who have written and share with you that I know that my Savior lives and loves me. I know that he suffered and died for me personally, and I know that he was resurrected. I know that because of his gift, I can overcome all of my personal faults and weaknesses. By his grace I am saved; this grace permeates my life and lifts me to be better than I could ever be on my own. Because of my Savior’s matchless gift, I know that I can one day be like him. I know that it is through the priesthood and ordinances of the restored church that I can be with my family forever and I can be with my Heavenly Father again. I know that there are prophets once again on the earth, leading the church with revelation, just as I am personally guided by revelation in my own life. My testimony of these truths runs deep. Thank you for allowing me to share it with you.

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Rachael Poulsen Boch (Ph.D., University of Arizona) is an Associate Professor of Philosophy at Brigham Young University. She specializes in epistemology and philosophy of mind. She has lived in Illinois, Utah, and Arizona. She is married to Adam Boch and has three beautiful children.

Posted September 2011